In just seven days it will be December 25, 2009, the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.  Are we all ready? 

And how are all of you doing too?  Thank you so much for your cards and good wishes to me and my family this holiday and for the past nine months. I am taking this opportunity to reflect and also share a bit of the life I live now.

Yes, it has been nine months already since Bill passed away to live his life without pain.  Bill, I’m sure, has been letting everyone in heaven know the way things should be, with his dry sense of humor.  Having that memory alone can really make us laugh still.

 Kenny would say, “Come on, Bill, say something funny about my mom, you are my personal comedian.”

In the past few months I have experienced wonderful times visiting with family and friends, accomplished a goal I never thought I would which was running the San Francisco Marathon.  There have also been a few not so great times, one being the loss of two young children and their dad from the Lakewood Elementary School family, where I am employed.  Attending the services for this family was quite difficult for everyone.

I am still running and work hard at keeping fit. I smile and laugh every opportunity that is given.  Each day with the morning light, I put one foot in front of the other and move on with a little more positive attitude than the day before.

Lately, I’ve been vividly remembering last Christmas and the hope Bill and I and our families all held.  I am also recalling some things we did last year, like having Thanksgiving meal here with Taryn, Gerald, Colleen and Kevin. That was the last big meal I cooked, well, besides the hundreds of meatballs in preparation for future company. It was truly a memorable time.  The weeks prior, other family members visited, a wonderful time.  I remember decorating the tree with T & G. Bill was watching with gratitude, then he told them to come back in January to take it down, too.

We went to the movies a few times.  Bill went shopping to be sure he had gifts for me. I worked diligently on a special scrapbook of the years we spent together. Many of you shared your thoughts and photos for the book. Bill was so grateful to receive such a gift for the New Year.

As weak as he was, and both of us discouraged with the news of not being able to have the transplant, Bill still had the Christmas Spirit. Maybe others couldn’t see it but I lived it and I knew.  He loved me so much, as I did him and I am ever so thankful to have had him in my life here on earth.  To have experienced such a wonderful time of my life, is more than a lot of people have.

 I have been wondering when I would really feel ‘into’ Christmas.  I am not angry, by no means.  I think of the children at school, the extreme excitement they hold and the love they have for another. It just amazes me.  When we grow up, often times we let go of that little kid inside of us and may not continue to feel or share the love that is so abundant, given to us by our Lord above.   Imagine, if only we would allow ourselves that unique opportunity, how wonderful we would feel every day.

My heart goes out to others during this holiday season, people who might have so much grief and despair that they aren’t able to feel that special love. My heart goes out to those who may feel hope is just a word.  My heart goes out to parents who lost their children, to spouses whose loved ones have passed on, to children who lost a parent, the list goes on.

I am ready now. Christmas morning I will go to the Kirkpatricks (Colleen and Kevin’s) for breakfast and then come home to prepare a wonderful feast for dinner.  Yes, I miss my William more than I could ever express in a note, or through tears.  But as I said, I am truly thankful for what we had together, for all the care he gave me and I him, for all the laughter we shared (there sure was a lot).  I am thankful for the love of all of our children, grandchildren, siblings and parents.  I am thankful for friends who, without hesitation, offer warm hugs whenever needed, even if I don’t know it.

This Christmas I wish for all of you to have love in your hearts that is so overwhelming you have no choice but to share it with another.

God Bless you with good health, much happiness and success in the coming New 2010 Year!

Merry Christmas!

With Love from my heart to yours,