Reflections

Yesterday, good friends of mine became grandparents.  These friends were Bill's friends first, all the way back from college days. Pam, Tony and Billy were best of friends.

Tony called this morning hoping to be the first to tell me of their new little granddaughter, not knowing I had been texting back and forth with Pam all day.  I answered the phone with,  CONGRATULATIONS! Tony replied,  "Oh, I thought I was going to tell you the news first."  "Haha. It's all over facebook, email and text messaging,"  I said.  The baby is a blessing. Tony shared a reflection he had while in the waiting room. He was brought back, in his minds eye, to the day his daughter was born; he recalled it vividly and spoke calming, telling me about the day Jenny, the now new mother, was born.  I actually could picture them in my mind. Tears trickled down my face as I listened to the brief story of their joyous occasion unfold, as if it was happening all over again.

I am sitting here in the back room of my home, wearing a very old TR North Football sweatshirt with COACH on the sleeve.  One day a long time ago, Bill gave me this shirt.  jWhen I would need something warm to wear, often times the warmest of sweatshirts were not mine. Each time a shirt got a new stain on it from me, I would get "the look."  Finally he gave this one to me. Personally, I do believe he just outgrew it. 

Most of you were a part of our lives and all of you are still a part of my life.  For nearly a year and a half I sent many hopeful, positive updates on Bill's healing progress. The month we are in now is especially dear to me. It was during this month and the beginning of next month, one year ago, when we had company and/or visitors for five weeks straight.  A wonderful time. 

Reflections. 

Even though it was a time in Bill's life that portrayed a thin man, weakening by the day, it was also a time of overflowing love and care. And it was a time for him to keep pushing forward.  The man smiled everyday and he still made me laugh. 

I was just remembering a day I was helping him into the bathtub. I knelt on the floor and washed his back and put warm water over his head. One particular day he looked and me and said, "I owe you one."  I replied, "You owe me more than one, buddy."  We laughed.  Then I asked, "If there is ever a time that I am sick will you do this for me?"  He replied, "I don't know."  Oh my goodness he could make me laugh on the toughest of days, just like that one. How could anyone not hold hope as their path to follow?

There is no doubt that reflections come to us from all directions.  We recall times of joy and times of sorrow. Certainly we cannot deny the fact that things have occurred in our lives.  We cannot deny the facts of the happenings in our lives but we can live in the present day we are given. We can live with hope for a better day tomorrow, no matter the challenge given yesterday.

I am doing well.  I know nothing will bring Bill back to me, to all of us.  I/we can however, reflect back on days of the past, good ones and bad, for they are the days of our lives.  They are the events that have made us who we are today.

There are days that my heart is quite heavy, I will not lie. But somehow, laughter always enters a few minutes of my day.  Either through a friend making me laugh, the kids at school just being kids or maybe another reflection, remembering Bill and one of his dry humor comments, then sharing with another one of those times.  Then I know, I am not alone and I never will be.

I hope this letter finds all of you in a place where you can reflect back on days of glory. If it finds you reflecting on days of challenge and sorrow, just know that all of life is what has made you who you are today.

God Bless

  

P.S. A little update on my running efforts: In the past five weeks I've had a few challenges like the flu, cold weather and the latest, being told I have a touch of asthma!  I was pretty much feeling defeated and devastated, afraid of not being able to run anymore.  I recalled a video I've watched many times called The Secret. In the movie, a man was told he would be a vegetable and never breathe on his own again.  He couldn't speak but he could hear, and he could think. In his mind he told himself over and over to breathe deeply.  Long story shortened, he walked out of that hospital, breathing on his own.

I was afraid to run the other day but told myself to breathe deep. I did use my inhaler before going out but had a little anxiety. I kept recalling the movie and telling myself to breathe deep in order to continue my training run.  I completed 5 miles with a good pace.  The next day, yesterday, I completed 8 more miles.

There will not be a challenge that I won't work hard to overcome.

I know that the challenge with Bill ended up taking him from this earth but he didn't give up hope and fought with the courage of a lion.  I am proud of him.